Just checked my bank balance and that’s cheered me right up
You can save hundreds on a new iPhone by kicking in a racist and stealing their iPhone.
I’m certain I don’t want to live any more but there are too many people that care about me for me to do anything.
I’m really fucking sad today. Jesus.
Me featuring my “I’m not going outside today” shirt.
That would be one of my “The road is your catwalk” shirts.
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So, A few weeks ago I played my last gig in a while. I wanted to make a little post giving a shout out to people who have made being a “musician” a joy, but I forgot to at the time, here it is now.
They Might Be Giants
The Ruby Kid
The Blue Aeroplanes
The Two Pigs
Thanks to anyone who has ever thought it would be a good idea to heckle me.
Thanks for sympathetically clapping after I mess up the high note of Little Respect.
Thanks for clapping even louder when I get it right the second time.
Thanks to those of you who’ve heard me tell the same joke twice or more and laugh anyway out of politeness.
Thanks to the Arc Bar waitress who proposed to me after my set. I said yes. Haven’t seen her since.
Thanks for the guy who that one time laughed so much he was sick. No one else seemed to appreciate it.
Thanks for the lads who told me they have a mate that looks just like me, who they call “Lesser McNeil” to his face. (I’m “Greater Dan”)
Thanks to Lesser McNeil.
Thanks to the crowd of drunk guys @ the vodka bar that wouldn’t let me play another song other than Chemical Bomb over and over again. The bouncers had to come up twice to stop them stamping on the floor. Surreal stuff. Still not convinced that actually happened.
Thanks to the 60 of you who came to my last set at the Fleece.
People I can’t thank enough:
The entire Hydra Books crew.
The Residents of 51 GBAW
See Y’all soon, mind.
Thatcher and feminism.
If you’ve been awake recently, you’ll know that Margret Thatcher died.
American feminists on here have been all “She was the first female prime minister, good on her, what an honourable women”
It’s not as if she was pursuing a feminist goal or fighting oppression. Her ambitions were quintessentially individualist. She wasn’t raising the status of women, in fact she used every feminine stereotype she could to promote herself while reinforcing working class women’s oppression. You don’t get to claim any feminist kudos for breaking glass ceilings when you rain down shattered glass on the women below in the process. Feminism (which Thatcher loathed) wasn’t, and isn’t, about getting to the top and playing with the big boys, it’s about bringing the big boys down, along with all the structures maintained by patriarchy and capitalism. Let’s get one thing entirely clear: Thatcher was no feminist, and she did shit all for women.
1. She supported the retention of capital punishment
2. She destroyed the country’s manufacturing industry
3. She voted against the relaxation of divorce laws
4. She abolished free milk for schoolchildren (“Margaret Thatcher, Milk Snatcher”)
5. She supported more freedom for business (and look how that turned out)
6. She gained support from the National Front in the 1979 election by pandering to the fears of immigration
7. She gerrymandered local authorities by forcing through council house sales, at the same time preventing councils from spending the money they got for selling houses on building new houses (spending on social housing dropped by 67% in her premiership)
8. She was responsible for 3.6 million unemployed - the highest figure and the highest proportion of the workforce in history and three times the previous government. Massaging of the figures means that the figure was closer to 5 million
9. She ignored intelligence about Argentinian preparations for the invasion of the Falkland Islands and scrapped the only Royal Navy presence in the islands
10. The poll tax
11. She presided over the closure of 150 coal mines; we are now crippled by the cost of energy, having to import expensive coal from abroad
12. She compared her “fight” against the miners to the Falklands War
13. She privatised state monopolies and created the corporate greed culture that we’ve been railing against for the last 5 years
14. She introduced the gradual privatisation of the NHS
15. She introduced financial deregulation in a way that turned city institutions into avaricious money pits
16. She pioneered the unfailing adoration and unquestioning support of the USA
17. She allowed the US to place nuclear missiles on UK soil, under US control
18. Section 28
19. She opposed anti-apartheid sanctions against South Africa and described Nelson Mandela as “that grubby little terrorist”
20. She support the Khmer Rouge in Cambodia and sent the SAS to train their soldiers
21. She allowed the US to bomb Libya in 1986, against the wishes of more than 2/3 of the population
22. She opposed the reunification of Germany
23. She invented Quangos
24. She increased VAT from 8% to 17.5%
25. She had the lowest approval rating of any post-war Prime Minister
26. Her post-PM job? Consultant to Philip Morris tobacco at $250,000 a year, plus $50,000 per speech
27. The Al Yamamah contract
28. She opposed the indictment of Chile’s General Pinochet
29. Social unrest under her leadership was higher than at any time since the General Strike
30. She presided over interest rates increasing to 15%
32. She presided over 2 million manufacturing job losses in the 79-81 recession
33. She opposed the inclusion of Eire in the Northern Ireland peace process
34. She supported sanctions-busting arms deals with South Africa
35. Cecil Parkinson, Alan Clark, David Mellor, Jeffrey Archer, Jonathan Aitkin
36. Crime rates doubled under Thatcher
37. Black Wednesday – Britain withdraws from the ERM and the pound is devalued. Cost to Britain - £3.5 billion; profit for George Soros - £1 billion
38. Poverty doubled while she opposed a minimum wage
39. She privatised public services, claiming at the time it would increase public ownership. Most are now owned either by foreign governments (EDF) or major investment houses. The profits don’t now accrue to the taxpayer, but to foreign or institutional shareholders.
40. She cut 75% of funding to museums, galleries and other sources of education
41. In the Thatcher years the top 10% of earners received almost 50% of the tax remissions
42. 21.9% inflation
43. Covered up the Hillsborough disaster to protect the police.
She is not a feminist icon and never will be.